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  • Writer's pictureDr Heather Dyson

Understanding Domestic Abuse: Shedding Light During Domestic Abuse Awareness Month

October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, a time dedicated to raising awareness about a deeply troubling issue that affects countless individuals and families worldwide. Domestic abuse, also known as intimate partner violence, is a pervasive problem that transcends boundaries of age, gender, race, and socio-economic status. It is important for all of us to develop our knowledge of what we mean by intimate partner violence, understand its intricacies, and offer support to those who need it. In this blog, we will explore the various aspects of domestic abuse, including its definition, types, warning signs, and the psychological toll it takes on victims. By shedding light on this critical issue, we hope to contribute to the global effort to end domestic abuse.

What do we mean by Domestic Abuse? Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviours used by one person in an intimate relationship to maintain power and control over the other. It involves not only physical violence but also emotional, psychological, financial, and sexual abuse. Domestic abuse is not limited to married couples; it can occur in dating relationships, between cohabitating partners, and in same-sex relationships. It is essential to recognise that abuse is never the fault of the victim, and the responsibility lies solely with the abuser.

Types of Domestic Abuse

  • Physical Abuse: This is the most visible form of abuse and includes acts such as hitting, slapping, punching, choking, and any form of physical harm. Physical abuse can result in visible injuries, but it can also cause long-lasting emotional and psychological trauma.

  • Emotional and Psychological Abuse: Emotional abuse involves behaviours aimed at undermining a person's self-esteem, self-worth, and emotional well-being. This can include constant criticism, insults, humiliation, threats, and isolation from friends and family. Psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, if not more so, as it leaves invisible scars that can last a lifetime.

  • Financial Abuse: Financial abuse occurs when an abuser controls a victim's access to financial resources, making it difficult or impossible for them to be financially independent. This may involve stealing money, controlling access to bank accounts, or preventing the victim from working or attending school.

  • Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse involves any non-consensual sexual activity within an intimate relationship. This includes rape, forced sexual acts, or coercion into sexual activities against one's will. Victims of sexual abuse often suffer profound emotional and psychological trauma.

  • Digital Abuse: In today's digital age, domestic abuse can extend into the online realm. This form of abuse includes harassment, stalking, and the use of technology to control or monitor a victim's activities, such as tracking their location or spying on their messages and social media.

Recognising the Warning Signs Identifying domestic abuse can be challenging, as it often occurs behind closed doors, and victims may go to great lengths to conceal their suffering. However, there are common warning signs that friends, family members, and professionals should be aware of:

  1. Frequent unexplained injuries: Victims may have frequent injuries, such as bruises, broken bones, or cuts, that they struggle to explain or attribute to accidents.

  2. Isolation: Abusers often isolate their victims from friends and family, making it difficult for them to seek help or support.

  3. Constant criticism and humiliation: Victims of emotional abuse may exhibit low self-esteem, depression, or anxiety as a result of constant criticism and belittlement.

  4. Fear and anxiety: Victims may appear constantly anxious, fearful, or on edge when around their abuser.

  5. Financial control: Victims may have limited access to their own finances, and their abuser may monitor or control their spending.

  6. Changes in behaviour: Victims may exhibit drastic changes in behaviour, becoming withdrawn, overly submissive, or overly defensive.

  7. Sexual coercion: Signs of sexual abuse may include a sudden aversion to sexual activity, signs of physical trauma, or a noticeable change in sexual behaviour.

The Psychological Toll on Victims Domestic abuse can have a profound psychological effect on its victims, which can persist long after the abuse has ended. Some of the common psychological consequences of domestic abuse include:

  1. Low self-esteem: Constant criticism and humiliation can erode a victim's self-worth and self-esteem, leading to feelings of worthlessness.

  2. Depression and anxiety: Victims often suffer from depression and anxiety as a result of the ongoing trauma and stress they experience.

  3. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Many survivors of domestic abuse develop PTSD, experiencing flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety triggered by reminders of the abuse.

  4. Complex trauma: The chronic and cumulative nature of domestic abuse can lead to complex trauma, which can affect a victim's ability to form healthy relationships and regulate emotions.

  5. Suicidal ideation and self-harm: The overwhelming emotional pain caused by abuse can lead some victims to contemplate suicide or engage in self-harming behaviours as a means of coping.

  6. Substance abuse: Some survivors turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to numb the emotional pain and cope with the trauma they have experienced.

Support and Intervention In the United Kingdom, there are several dedicated organisations and charities that offer vital support to victims of domestic abuse. One of the most prominent organisations is Refuge (, which provides safe shelters, advice, and support for survivors. Another essential resource is Women's Aid (, which offers a wide range of services, including a 24-hour helpline (0808 2000 247) and online chat support. Victims can also turn to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline ( at 0808 2000 247, run in partnership between Refuge and Women's Aid, for immediate assistance and guidance. Additionally, local authorities and police stations can provide information about local domestic abuse services and shelters.

If you believe that a friend is in a domestic abuse situation, it's crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity, care, and a commitment to their friend's safety and well-being. Here are steps to consider when supporting a friend in such a situation:

Listen Non-Judgmentally: Start by providing a safe and non-judgmental space for your friend to talk. Let them know that you are there to listen and support them, and that you care about their well-being. Believe and Validate: Believe your friend's experiences and feelings. Domestic abuse survivors often face disbelief or blame, so it's essential to validate their emotions and experiences. Respect Their Choices: Understand that your friend may not be ready to leave the abusive relationship immediately. Respect their decisions and autonomy. It's essential not to pressure them into taking actions they're not comfortable with. Offer Information: Provide information about domestic abuse resources, such as helplines, local shelters, and support organizations. Share the contact information of relevant services, but don't force your friend to use them. Safety Planning: Discuss safety planning options with your friend. Help them create a safety plan that includes identifying safe places to go, packing essentials, and establishing a code word or signal to communicate distress. Encourage Professional Help: Encourage your friend to seek professional help from therapists, counsellors, or support groups specializing in domestic abuse. Offer to help them find resources or accompany them to appointments if they're comfortable with it. Maintain Privacy: Respect your friend's privacy and confidentiality. Only share information with their consent and keep their situation confidential unless there is an immediate danger to their life. Stay Connected & Supportive: Continue to support and check in with your friend regularly. Isolation is a common tactic used by abusers, so maintaining a connection can be crucial. Understand that the journey to leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging and may take time. Be patient and offer ongoing support. Remember that your role is to be a supportive friend, not a counsellor or therapist. Encourage your friend to seek professional help from trained experts who can provide specialized guidance and assistance in navigating the complexities of domestic abuse. Your support can make a significant difference in your friend's life, but ultimately, the decisions and actions they take should be driven by their own choices and readiness. Document Evidence: If your friend is comfortable with it, encourage them to document instances of abuse, including photos of injuries, text messages, or any other evidence that may be useful if they decide to involve law enforcement. Seek Professional Advice: If you believe your friend's life is in immediate danger, don't hesitate to contact the police or emergency services. They can conduct a welfare check and take appropriate action to ensure your friend's safety.

Remember that seeking help and support is a courageous step toward a safer and healthier future. You deserve to live a life free from abuse and fear. The process of leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging, so be patient with yourself and seek the assistance of professionals who can guide you through this difficult journey. Your safety and well-being are paramount.

Domestic abuse is a pervasive and deeply troubling issue that affects countless individuals and families worldwide. It is our collective responsibility to understand the complexities of domestic abuse, recognise the warning signs, and provide support and intervention for victims. By shedding light on this issue during Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, we can contribute to the global effort to end domestic abuse and create a safer and more compassionate world for all. Remember, there is hope, and help. #domesticviolence #intimatepartnerviolence #dv #ipv #trauma #abuse #ptsd #cptsd #depression #anxiety #psychologicalabuse #financialabuse #physicalabuse #emotionalabuse #psychology #therapy #therapist #psychologist #counsellingpsychologist #treament #specialisttraumatherapy #specialisttraumapsychologist #traumainformed

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